If you have succumbed to the world of online dating, then you have most likely had a few dates where the profile statements didn't quite match up with the person you met. Not weeding out the time wasters and liars will leave you wanting to quit dating all together and start thinking about adopting cats from the local animal shelter for your life as a hermit.
Rest assured, with a little practice you can learn how to spot these time wasters. Here are the most common dating profile statements I have come across and what they really mean. If you see someone saying any of these things on their profile, swipe left and pass them over. Don't say I didn't warn you if you don't take my advice.
I Recently Started...
People will inflate "their resume" or hobbies by adding a bunch of stuff they did once years ago, or things they are thinking about doing but have not actually done. Someone who says they recently started hiking probably went on a short walk at a local park last week and now counts it as a "hobby". It's all in an effort to sound more interesting and cast a bigger net trying to reel in more matches.
The problem arises when you agree to meet based on mutual interests and they don't actually know anything about the hobby. Imagine going on a rock climbing date and having your date freeze half way up since they lied about their hobby. I went on a date once where a girl told me she played guitar. So we agreed to meet up and jam and hang out. She showed up with a ukulele and admitted she took a lesson when she was little and always wanted to give it another try. I didn't point out that she didn't even know the difference between a ukulele and a guitar. Swipe left since more lies are to follow.
I'm Not Looking for Hookups
It's very common for women to emphatically state on their profile that they are not looking for hookups. This seems like a no-brainer to the normal person who is looking to meet someone, so you shouldn't need to point out the fact if you have checked off the box stating that you are looking for a relationship.
Despite this, a good 50% of women list this as a requirement on their profile. Sure, I know that guys will randomly message strangers for hookups, and if your the guy doing this you're an asshole. But if you have checked the right box under "looking for" the only reason someone would point this out is if they have hooked up so many times that it has become boring.
Saying "I am not looking for hookups" just means I've already been there, done that and been fucked so many times that I am hoping to finally find some one who won't pump and dump me.
I have Been Working on Losing Weight
You'll see this statement quite often at the start of the year when everyone makes the resolution to lose weight. During the year, a lot of people fresh out of a breakup will say stuff like this as they aim to reinvent themselves to make an Ex jealous. Chances are they haven't done much more than buy a Planet Fitness membership and a pair of yoga pants so steer clear.
Not Looking for Friends with Benefits
One of the most common dating profile comments, it means they already have a friend who fucks them on the regular. This secret fuck buddy will satiate their appetite for sex while they hold out on you to build a "meaningful connection". In other words, i'll make you wait for it to give the impression that I'm a good girl while banging my friend. You might even meet him at a cookout and that shit eating grin he gives you is because he is banging the girl you think you are building something with.
I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious
This might also be expressed by the equally non committal "looking for friends first". What the statement really means is that I just had a really shitty relationship end and I'm testing the waters. I'm fine allowing you to buy me dinner and pay for things, but I want the freedom to see if something better comes along. That also means i'll be sleeping with other people along the way and act surprised when you express romantic interest after acting like a boyfriend for months with little to no sex given.
My Kids Come First!
Well no shit. This is like stating the sky is blue. Or bears eat a lot. What she really means is that she is a single mom with virtually no time, so she is going to constantly flake on you, cancel, and put you way down her list of priorities. But if you mention these things even once she going to call you controlling and then yell “I told you my kids come first!”.
What she is really looking for is a guy willing to fuck her when she feels like it, but she is going to leave you hanging when you need to get laid. Stay away. This chick isn’t worth the amount of time you are going to spend trying to get these legs to open.
Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.