Woman Arrested for Pooping on Boss’ Desk After Winning the Lottery

August 6, 2019


We are not saying you do something like this if you win the Powerball, but money makes some people do strange things. 


According to the Valley Report, a 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over $3 million dollars on Friday night, but decided to show up to work anyway on Monday to to deliver a special surprise to her boss. 


The company she worked for had no idea that she had won the money. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”


“It was worth it,” the woman said when she was being arrested. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”


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December 22, 2018

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