I receive at least a few emails every week through the BDSC website from readers looking for advice. I can't respond to them all, but sometimes one will pique my curiosity and I will send a response to the writer. After all I am a really nice guy. I got to thinking that maybe some of that advice could be of help to other readers out there, so I have decided that I will post a few of those emails from time to time with my answer for everyone to chime in on. Like a Q & A or coaching session. If you have a question of your own send it to me. I will not mention your name unless you say it's ok.
Here is one email I recently received:
I was supposed to meet a girl at a restaurant after work. I guess you could call it a date. We had been talking for awhile and this was our first face to face meeting. We planned to meet at 6 pm. I was a few minutes early and grabbed a table since it's busy at that time. She didn't show up until 15-20 minutes later. She sat down and never mentioned being late. It kinda bothered me, mostly that she never mentioned it or apologized. I could understand if she was running late with traffic or just getting out of work late, but it feels like she should have said something. Should I keep talking to her? Should I bring it up?
Well man, that's what we call a shit test. I consider punctuality when dating as a deal breaker. Women do things like showing up late to see if you will indeed call her on her bullshit. Most guys don't, so as a result, women feel like they can act like this. You get lumped into the loser category and she never seriously considers you as mating material because you are a pushover. If you like her enough, mention it and see what she says. If she acts likes it no big deal or refuses to acknowledge it. say good bye. I guarantee this behavior will continue. If she does apologize, or you think she is hot enough to get a second chance - take a stand and set boundaries. You shouldn't have to, but tell her that your time is valuable and your expectation is that if she is running late she will give you notice. If she can't do that, then she isn't a keeper. If you continue to see her and she runs late that often, chances are you are not important enough for her to prioritize in her life, hence the constant lateness. Why wouldn't you keep an appointment for something you found to be valuable? Chances are you have already seen her again, paid for a couple dinners, and still haven't gotten laid. I will also bet she was late each time. Just a gut feeling.
Recently I received a message from my biological father asking if I would be interested in meeting him. What should I do?
That’s a tough question. Would I want to meet my biological dad? Absolutely yes. It would be interesting to see if I look like him, get an idea of how I will age, where I get personality traits from etc. It would also be a chance to see if what I thought or heard about him were true. Sometimes when people break up they say everything they can to discredit the other person. I am not sure what your exact situation is, but a lot of times the stories we are told are not 100% true. When your mom and dad split, did mom blame him for everything? Maybe some of that wasn't true, it was just her letting the hurt go and hoping you would never want to see him again. Maybe your dad had his own shit going on at the time. That doesn't excuse him for leaving, but may help it make more sense.
But keep in mind meeting him will not come without consequences. That meeting is bound to bring up a flood of emotions. They may not surface right away, but are bound to boil to the surface after meeting with him. You may get angry, or feel worse for having met him. If you do meet him, make sure you have the proper expectations over what the meeting will be. It would not be fair to expect him to instantly know how to act like dad, and you should not be expected to know how to be his son. What I mean is, having that kind of bond will take time between you two, if it ever develops at all. If there is another man who raised you, and you think of him as your dad, be respectful of him as well. After all, he was the guy who did what your biological dad didn't. Make sure you're going into the meeting with the right expectations, and take it slow.
Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.