Recently a few women around the office got married. Now these are not work place buddies or anything, so I didn't even know they were engaged. But I did notice that they had gained a lot of weight recently.
The first girl was an average built twenty something with a below average face. Now when you have a below average face, it seems to me that you should try to keep the other aspects of your appearance looking good. She didn’t seem to share my opinion since it was obvious she had gained about 15 pounds in the past month. She just looked sloppy. Now in two years of working there I had never seen her fluctuate in weight. Then another coworker mentioned she had a wedding recently. The light bulb went off.
Another girl was one of the Instagram whore types. Always posting selfies on social media, usually sweaty after some workout, pic taken high up to show off her cleavage, or from the side to show off her ass. She hooked up with the new sales guy and in just a few months has gained at least 30 pounds. She now waddles around in sweaters and bulky winter jackets trying and failing to hide the weight gain. Her social media pics as of late are nothing more than the flash back memories that Facebook lets you do, from the time when she was thin.
Now you have probably put on a few pounds yourself. It’s normal and expected that both of you will gain some weight. You work more to pay off the ring you bought, the new house, your priorities begin to shift, and you begin to eat out more (mostly because modern women do not or will not cook). The pounds add up. You spend more time together, movie nights on the couch, and less time outside.
But there is a difference between men and women. Men don’t often drastically change their eating habits. Men are more upfront about eating pizza and burgers, drinking beer. Sure, we might go healthy on occasion or hit the gym harder, but the weight is fairly consistent. Men gain weight gradually over time.
Women on the other hand are on a quest. They are trying to get a man, or at least the attention of men, and therefore perform a ritual, an act, to obtain what they want. Once they have achieved their goal, there is no reason to continue the act. As soon as they get their prize, a man, they gain a bunch of weight. The girl you dated who ate salads when you went out, who couldn’t finish a burger, returns to her real habits once she has you committed. Now it’s ice cream and junk food while watching reality TV. Of course, she didn’t have time to fix you dinner because she is “so exhausted” as she flops down.
Now I am sure some will hate me for saying it, but women gain more weight in a relationship or marriage. They gain it quickly, and they don’t wear it as well. The sales guy the Instagram whore hooked up with – he looks no different than when he met her, other than dressing better for his new role. In fact, you could argue he looks better. He keeps his appearance in better order as his career has progressed. But his wife, her appearance has regressed now that she has hooked him. She has given up because she no longer needs to earn his attention, she has it by default due to their marriage. But if he were to mention her sudden shift, or to perhaps state “I’m not as attracted to you” he would be the bad guy.
It seems like a common theme. She baits you in with a sexy body, maybe she runs a few times a week, does yoga, hits the gym. All that quickly changes once you are committed or married. Maybe you are married and don’t want to admit how much weight your wife has gained, but 9 out of 10 men reading this are wondering what happened to the hot girl they were dating. How is it that she ballooned up so fast?
It’s because she was a magician. She made you believe she was a sex kitten that was wifey material, when in fact she was a closet plus sized model wanna be. Now some of us like a woman with some meat on her bones, but what if you don’t? Will you feel cheated if your girlfriend gains significant weight? Will it make you less attracted to her? If you do like plus sized women, is there a limit to what you find attractive?
Another fallacy with married women, once they have children, and weight gain is the lie that it’s all baby weight. I’ve known plenty of pregnant women, and while yes they are “eating for two”, they use it as an excuse to eat anything and everything. As a result, they gain way more weight than they normally would being pregnant. And that weight almost never goes away. So, by marrying someone with this attitude, you are doomed to a life with a woman who now constantly complains about her body and then uses it as an excuse for avoiding sex because she is now embarrassed by her body. You are bound to hear lies like “I’m going to start working on losing the baby weight” or when you ask why she no longer wears the lingerie you bought, “I don’t feel sexy tonight”. Along with that will come blame. She will blame you for not making her feel sexy- rather than taking responsibility for her overeating. The women mentioned above are not pregnant, which is even scarier. How much will they end up weighing?
So what's a man to do? I guess you could start off by setting an example yourself. Keep in shape and create activities for your family focused on being active. Hell, buy her a gym membership for her birthday. Buy her clothes in her old size and when she doesn't wear them ask why. If she says it doesn't fit, comment "well that use to be your size did you gain weight?" Sure, that sounds like your being a jerk, but how else are you to politely remind her of how far she has let herself go?
The other option is to avoid marriage or commitment altogether. That way you keep her on her toes so to speak. Avoiding commitment is a personal call, but if you do decide marriage is for you it's important to put forth proper expectations ahead of time. Have a conversation on the subject. Ask her if she would still be attracted to you if you became grossly obese. Let her know what you would find to be a limit to what you find attractive. Otherwise you could end up married to this:
Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.