• Not Sexy

Not Sexy: Runway Fashion

The current state of fashion has us shaking our heads, not only is it outrageous and often corny (for lack of better term) it just makes no sense. First we bring you the three breasted runway models of fashion designer Giuliano Calza. He is the idea man for the "trendy" Italian streetwear brand GCDS - which stands for "God Can’t Destroy Streetwear". If that is not corny enough, Calza paraded a stream of models down the runway wearing a prosthetic third breast that poked out from under a tiny and revealing crop top.

We tried really hard, but couldn't come up with a possible meaning behind three breasted fashion models. We were able to find a couple interviews with Calza where he explained the meaning behind his unusual model choice: the creative director says that the fashion collection was inspired by the idea of a dystopian future where computers no longer exist, so society has to look back and relearn how to do things without them.

“We’re a young group here — we’re all under 30 — and I wanted to talk to people our age about the future and get them thinking about plastics, water shortage and the environment," he said. "Full sustainability is impossible, and I wanted this show to be a wake-up call." Still don't see how that has anything to do with a third boob.

Earlier this year, designer Alessandro Michele used models that walked the runway carrying severed replicas of their own heads during Gucci’s Milan Fashion Week. The collection was called "Cyborg" and yet again seemed more to do with drug fueled psychosis than fashion. The heads were created by Makinarium, a Rome-based factory of "techno-artisans" who produce bespoke special and visual effects. It took six months to create the pretty convincing replicas using molds of the models heads.

Makinarium also designed additional unusual pieces for the cyborg collection, including a third eye that probably is meant to be new age-y but instead looks more like an Illuminati robot:

During the same fashion week, designer Moncler relaunched (try, try again) with a series called the Genius Group featuring the weirdest winter parkas we've ever seen. They look more like some weird alien cocoon:

The last "high fashion" fail we will talk about is one that we can almost get with: Vagina Mohawks. Given our love of au naturel bush we really wanted to like this one. But we don't. Designer Kaimin decided to make the vagina a canvas, and sprayed the nether regions of some (questionably) female models with all kinds of hair products to create the unique fashion statement you see below:

Apparently the Mohawks were meant to resemble merkins, a kind of pubic hair wig that was first used in ancient Egypt. Randy Sayer, a film and theater wig stylist explained in a 2015 interview “most citizens — noble or otherwise — were required to shave their pubic and body hair to rid themselves of lice,” further explaining “Noble and wealthy people were known to wear wigs … and it is thought that a type of merkin was fashionable; it could be worn to show that they were rich enough to maintain their pubic hair.” Merkins are now used by actresses in movies for scenes where nudity is required.

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