• Mr. Right

Big Dick Energy


I have seen a few social media references to something called "Big Dick Energy". It's a funny term for what alpha males have known all along - confidence is sexy.

According to Urban Dictionary, Big Dick Energy is: "confidence without cockiness. It is never misplaced and it cannot be simulated. It is the sexual equivalent of writing a check for $10k knowing you got it in the bank account".

That of course sounds like a woman wrote the definition, since it's equated to your financial status. But I've known plenty of well to do guys who had no confidence, and plenty of poor guys who did quite well with women. The good thing is, money and even penis size is irrelevant when it comes to BDE. In fact, according to Google, even women can display Big Dick Energy. Female celebrities like Cate Blanchett and Rhianna are the favorite examples.

But let's focus on how a man can display BDE.

Think of Big Dick Energy as the "essence of a man". Sure, you could pretend you have a porn star penis, or channel some inner spirit animal like a wolf or tiger in a weak attempt to feel confident. But BDE is more than that. Think about the men you have admired, what qualities did they display? Were they cool under pressure? Did everyone, not just women, seem to gravitate towards them?

For example, my father was extremely quiet and reserved. A man of very few words. He didn't drink, so avoided the typical boys nights out. Despite that, everywhere we went - people he knew always greeted him happily with a warm hello. It was confusing because he was just so reserved that I often wondered if he was some secret social guy outside of the house. I realize now that he exuded BDE.

The first step in displaying BDE is to overcome your shyness.

Make conversation with those who you have reason to, and more importantly make that conversation meaningful. It's ok to engage in a bit of small talk, but standing around the water cooler gossiping is feminine.

On the other side of the coin, you don't want to be the guy who is known for only talking to the hot girls in the office. Take the time to say hello to everyone who makes eye contact. You never know who will be the next person in charge and you don't want to be the guy who is known for not being able to get along with everyone.

Being open and approachable is a key component of attraction. No matter how good looking you are, if a woman gets an odd vibe from you there's little chance she would ever respond to your advances. Women are actually far more attracted to what other people want. That's why they are so drawn to fashion and the desire to be wearing the latest trend.

If she sees you talking easily to other women, she will be more interested in getting to know you. Sometimes shyness can be cute, but at some point you have to man up and break the ice - so practicing your conversation skills on others is a good way to be ready when you finally get a chance to engage the one you want.

Second, be confident in yourself and your abilities.

Another term for this is self awareness, or knowing your limitations. One way to display your abilities is in conversation. Once you overcome shyness, it's easy to go too far and talk too much. One piece of advice I was given early in my career is talk to a lot when you have knowledge on the subject, and shut up when you don't.

A lot of people I come across seem to think that talking incessantly about everything makes them look smart. It doesn't. It makes you look like a know it all who can't stop to consider another opinion. It also makes it look like you're over compensating or trying to hard. When you do this, you draw attention to yourself and your lack of knowledge is bound to show.

Suppose you decide to chime in with your thoughts on astrophysics, then someone who knows the subject better than you starts asking questions you can't answer. Your true lack of knowledge will quickly be revealed and you will look like a blowhard.

In short, your words should be direct, educated, and short.

A smart man challenges himself as a way of improving, but a smart man also knows his limitations and isn't going to engage in activities that expose glaring weaknesses or inabilities. That's why a leader delegates tasks to his subordinates. He trusts those with specialized training to complete these tasks. I suck at ironing so if I need my suit to look good for an interview - I take it to a dry cleaner. Vice versa, if an opportunity in the office arises to do a presentation or speak in front of a crowd pops up - I am the first to volunteer.

Third, if you want to display BDE, walk with confidence. And smile.

We hear that a lot, but there is little doubt that body language reveals plenty about a person. We all know someone who shoe gazes and will not look you straight in the eye. Can you say you have a good impression of them? Would you choose them to lead a project?

I challenge you to spend just a few days smiling at people who make eye contact: I guarantee you will have more people attempting to engage you in conversation, and more women who make eye contact from across the room.

Smiling is a magnetic energy that everyone is drawn to, and suggests that you have a little secret - one that people want to hear. Or that you get what you want, when you want it. When walking with confidence, don't swagger, but it's ok to carry an attitude. That just shows that you are a person who is discerning in choosing who deserves your time. A confident walk radiates energy that draws people in - as if you are going places and have your life together.

People want to be a part of that and will want to follow. Especially women.