• Mr. Right

Worst Date Ever

We have all had them, bad dates. I’ll start the ball rolling by telling one of mine. No surprise, it's someone I met online. I checked out her profile and messaged her. She only had two pictures up, which I would later learn was a major red flag when online dating.

In one of the pics she was standing in front of a fountain. It was a little fuzzy and kind of far away. But she looked trim and petite in her jeans and t-shirt. Healthy. In the other pic she was in a two-piece bikini. She had a bikini body. After a few days of messaging we set a date to meet up.

Now about that meeting spot. She let me know she was a single mom. I had yet to really understand the pitfalls of dating single moms. Due to her single mom status, she let me know just how busy she was, but gee, she really wanted to meet me. I worked long hours but my evenings were free. She mentioned that her daughter had a soccer game at school and the school was just down the street from my work. She wanted to meet up at the soccer game. I did red flag on this one. Like I don’t want to meet the kid already, so I mentioned this to her. She understood and was like no, we can hang in the parking lot awhile just to meet.

I reluctantly agreed.

So it was a day or two later when we met up. I pulled into the parking lot, got out, and texted her. I started walking and looking. I didn’t see her. Suddenly in the far corner someone appeared. It was her. She was trim. She was petite. As in emaciated because she looked like she was a crackhead, or most likely meth head. She gave me a big smile. She still had her teeth but I knew what the big smile meant: she liked me. Then she asked if I wanted to walk around, I hesitated and she saw it - saying come on lets walk.

Now I will admit I’ve always been someone to take on a new adventure or experience. I kinda say oh what the hell. I’ve never gotten myself into anything too sticky and didn’t think taking a walk with a crack head would be any kind of jam I couldn’t get out of. And it wasn’t just because it would become a funny story. I’m a nice guy (or at least I was at one time).

So we walked around the school. We passed by plenty of parents, and what I noticed was that every single one of them looked at her. STARED at her. Some disgusted, faces wrenched in horror, others pitiful - obviously feeling for the young daughter who had this woman as a mother. And I picked up on the fact that after looking at her, they then looked at me. Now I m a decent looking dude, always been well put together and presentable. So we must have made for an odd pair. Then it dawned on me that all these people were probably thinking we were together. Hell man, I’ve got a reputation to defend. So I used my acting experience to quickly create an alternate identity.

I became her drug counselor.

As we walked, I adopted a stern face, I nodded like a doctor does when you tell him your symptoms. I used big words and asked probing questions. If anyone heard us talking I’m sure they thought I was helping her through a problem. She talked and talked. Maybe a meth hit was giving her a social buzz who knows. Finally, after a lap I mentioned I had to go. She didn’t want me to. I eased my way towards the car and she insisted on walking me back. I was like no - go watch the game.

She followed me.

She followed me all the way back to the car. Then she commented “wow your car is really nice”. I said thanks. She asked to see the inside. I was getting nervous. I didn’t want her in my car or worse yet leaving some meth head stink behind, or cops swarming thinking this was a deal going down. I unlocked the car and walked around to the driver’s side. She opened the door and got in the back seat. Then she asked me to get in with her. I knew what she wanted. What I wanted to do was run.

Now I wished the cops would show so maybe I would be saved. I kept saying I had to go and she said “really?” surprised I was turning down her offer. I managed to extract her from my car and took off. She texted me later and I ghosted her.

Moral of the story here fellas is exercise caution when meeting people offline. At least make it a public place. And always, always, demand 50 pictures before meeting. Recent ones.