When you first meet some one and things seem great, time flies. Before you know it you have been seeing each other almost daily. Dinners, movies, Netflix weekends and out of nowhere you're hooked. You start to wonder is she the one? That love buzz can make you do things you wouldn't normally do, like stop pursuing hobbies or put other things in your life aside.
After awhile that shine starts to wear off. It's a dangerous thing to put your own life on hold because later, I promise, you will regret the things you gave up, and worst yet, blame your significant other for the choices you made. The conversations will seem harder, the fights are more common, and you start to wonder if this is what you wanted in a relationship.
Just because the relationship has hit some waves doesn't mean its time to give up, it may just mean you need to sit down together and have a serious talk. When that does not work, here are some tell tale signs that its time to move on. I have put together a list of things that hint at the worst, and if you see a couple of these things in your relationship it may be time to face the facts and admit she isn't wifey material.
1. You Can't Make Her Laugh
One of the most beautiful things is a woman laughing. The way they light up, the twinkle in their eye. Laughter is truly the start of chemistry between two people. I guarantee you the first time you make her laugh, she looks a you a little bit differently. It's why men spend so much effort on trying to be funny. And that's why when you can't make her laugh the flame has died (or there isn't one to start). She either sees you as immature and the jokes are bouncing off of her, or she has lost interest and connection to you.
2. She Doesn’t Pay Her Bills
It’s funny. Women expect you to have your shit together, yet they don’t. I have yet to meet a woman who wasn’t buried deep in credit card debt from buying pointless things and behind on at least one of her bills. Even the women I have dated who made more money than I do still had a terrible credit score. Despite their fiscal indiscretions, you are expected to prove that you are a great provider to her, and often her kids from another relationship.
If a girl ever says "I need some retail therapy" or "happiness is expensive" you should quickly turn around and run. It's a sign that she doesn't know how to deal with her problems, coping by adding debt to her credit cards for things like shoes and purses. Get married and that debt is your debt. You will be working overtime, wasting valuable years of your life in a cubicle trying to keep up with her spending sprees. This kind of girl expects you to save her from her problems. And I guarantee the debt will never go away because she doesn't understand one of life's most important equations:
Freedom Lost = Hours Worked for Things You Don't Need
3. She Doesn’t Value Your Time
It is a running joke that women are always late. Sure, women take a little more time to get ready. We know they need to apply makeup, obsess over the perfect outfit, etc. And I will admit, I would look down on a girl who didn't make the effort to look good on our first couple of dates. But how often have you sat there waiting for her to show up well past your agreed upon time? At a bar, drinking by yourself wondering if she is even going to show. Now the occasional lateness is perfectly normal, I mean we all have circumstances that throw our schedule off from time to time, but if she frequently breaks the punctuality rule it's a sign that she doesn't value your time.
Women often do this to guys who make themselves too available. If you are boring, with no other commitments, she knows she can impose on your time because you have nothing else to do. This disrespect of your time will only get worse because you have not established your worth, and now she thinks like a Queen: you should be honored by her mere presence. Set clear rules when you first begin dating to avoid it becoming a bigger issue later. Trust me, women do not become more punctual over time. The second time she is late, simply leave. Let her call you and pursue.
4. Things Are Only Good When Everything Is Going Well In Life
When the money is coming in and you are buying her gifts, or indulging her retail therapy addictions, she is nothing but smiles and kisses when you walk in the door. That's because when you're dating and paying for all the dinners and show tickets she sees you as Prince Charming. But would her attitude change if you lost your job, or took a pay cut to pursue a life long dream? Or even to just have more free time? Ask yourself would she still be so loving?
A lot of guys find out the hard way that their significant other was just looking for a sugar daddy. Sometimes the truth isn't revealed until he proposes. It starts when she isn't impressed by the ring you chose - wanting bigger, better, and more impressive (expensive). After you get married, it's needing the bigger house, new cars, and more jewelry to constantly prove your love by giving expensive gifts. If you had recognized this earlier, looking at how she handles bills, and saw that she copes with problems by throwing money at them, you could have saved yourself a lot of heartache.
5. She Disrespects Or Doesn’t Defend You to Her Friends and Family
Everyone fights and everyone needs to vent to someone on occasion, but if she constantly throws you under the bus to her family and friends you will never be a good guy in their eyes. Sure, her friends are going to take her side, that's what good friends do, but the problem is that they are only hearing one side of the story. And they will never hear your side.
Problems in a relationship should be worked out between the two of you, not shared with everyone else that you know. When she spreads insider information with those who are not on a "need to know" basis, it slowly erodes her family's perception of you. When times are tough, that circle of friends will only remind her of those past fights and all the things you do wrong. That makes it a lot harder to work through difficulties when she always has the voices of ill informed confidants in her ears. Look for a woman who communicates directly with you rather than gossip and complain to friends about her problems.
6. She Is Jealous of Things That Make You Happy
Every man should have a passion. It could be playing the guitar, learning about the stock market, painting - anything that adds a dimension to your life. These hobbies and pursuits are an important thing that I call investing in yourself. It's about taking the time to pursue things which first make you smile and bring a greater sense of fulfillment to your life. Now we don't always know what that passion is right away and often spend time searching out a hobby or pursuit.
A jealous woman will try to pry you away from the things that make you happy, saying such passive aggressive things as "oh, so that's more important than me" or " You spend so much time on that silly little hobby". Anyone who would say that is someone who has no interests of her own, and someone who will never allow you to develop fully as a person. That is because she sees anything you do outside of her as a threat. The truth is, for a relationship to be healthy each person must have some kind of life outside the relationship. Not only is it a test of trust (when you are away from one another) but also the time apart helps to keep the fire going as you yearn to see one another again.
7. You Censor Yourself And Don’t Like Who You’ve Become
A lot of women enter relationships with the misguided notion that they can mold a man into what they want him to be. They want fixer uppers because they have the false belief that they can create Mr. Perfect. That might mean choosing your clothes, or telling you to stop doing things that are fundamentally YOU. Things shouldn't be that way. No one should censor themselves.
Now there is a time and place for sailor language and curse words, but what I am talking about is not speaking your voice, your opinion or being told that your opinion is wrong. If the two of you have a different outlook on a subject that is ok, but this also probably means this is not a relationship that will last. That leads into my next point.
8. You Don't Share the Same Wants and Beliefs
For any relationship to stand the test of time, you need to have things in common. Hobbies are nice, but I am talking about the fundamentals - dreams for the future, how to raise kids, and yes - even religion and politics. Plenty of couples have made it work with opposing viewpoints, but what if you love Trump and she loves Hilary? That's a sign that you have completely opposite views on the world. It may be hard to talk politics and religion, but it's a conversation you must have fairly early on to make sure you are both on the same page.
9. She Doesn’t Do Anything To Improve Herself
As I mentioned above, everyone should be doing something to invest in themselves, that means her included. A keeper should have the same motivations as you do, whatever those motivations are. She sets goals for herself and acts in such a way to achieve those goals (as should you). That may mean keeping finances in order, or pursuing things which help develop her as a person. She doesn't expect you to do it all.
A keeper will call you on your shit, and expect you to call her on her shit. Somebody who cares for you wants to you succeed, and she will help you, even if it means tough love. I’m not talking about nagging (which is THE WORST). I’m talking about somebody who keeps it real when you need her to. She gives you honest feedback on your writing. She plays devil’s advocate. She calls out your messy room. Yeah, I might be mad at first, but I appreciate it later. If she is jealous or prevents you from developing as a person - it's because she has no desire to improve herself.
10. There Isn't Sexual Chemistry
Sex isn't everything, but a relationship sure sucks when things are not going well in the bedroom. Sex is an important part of a strong and committed relationship. Now it is perfectly normal for the frequency and intensity to decline as you have been together for awhile. Long hours at work, bills to pay, kids, etc and the passion will slow - but it should never go away. So it's important to be on the same page sexually. Appetites and fantasies should be similar. Lets say she wants sex three times a week, but you are satisfied with one night a week. She is going to feel frustrated. That will carry over into arguments about other things and make problems harder to overcome.
Jeremy Wright is a self-described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.