No matter how strong a relationship you have, things can get boring over time. Work can interrupt schedules, kids can make romance feel impossible, and as we get more comfortable in a relationship quite often we just don't try enough or do the things that first attracted our partners. That doesn't mean its time to give up on a good relationship, it just means you have to do something to spice things up. Here are 5 easy things you can do this weekend to add a little spice to your sex life and break out of the rut. Let me know which of my techniques you tried in the comments below.
The key to a mans heart may be his stomach, but the key to a woman's heart is her mind. So fellas, it's time to up your psychological game to keep her aroused. The easiest way to amp up sexual arousal is by flirting - going in for the kill without warning usually results in a strike out, so try letting her know whats on your mind in little ways throughout the day.
Start out by sending her a sexy (not lewd) text. Whisper in her ear when you see her, grab her and kiss her, or bite the nape of her neck. If she is the one who is usually in charge, try being dominant and issuing commands or expressing what you are going to do - "I'm going to suck your toes". It may feel a little funny at first, but being dominated is a common female fantasy. On the other hand, let her be in charge if you are usually the dominant one. She might feel empowered and let you know when she wants sex rather than wait for you to make the move.
Evaluate Your Look
They say dress for success, and that means in love and dating as well. If you usually dress casually, try putting on a nice shirt and a little cologne. If you're feeling especially romantic, a nice dinner out where you put on a suit and act like a perfect gentleman (that means holding the door for her you jerk) can build sexual tension. The key is to do something different and make her look at you in a new (and sexy) way.
When clothes start coming off, you don't want to kill the mood by revealing your stained undershirt or boxers with holes. Your outfit should be clean and well fitting from the top layer to your underwear. Talking to a lot of women, most say that what you wear is less important than how you wear it, meaning any style can look good and draw a woman's attention. If you need help with building a wardrobe, read this article. If you're a bigger guy looking to maximize your success with women, read this article that I wrote.
Set the Mood
Many couples fall into a routine of a wham, bam, thank you ma'am before bed. Dedicate some time to set the stage with candles, soft lighting, and some music. Try something like buying her favorite candies and feeding them to her in bed. It's hard to miss with chocolate covered strawberries, but anything that she loves is a sure fire way of keeping her attention. Keep a bottle of massage oil in your dresser and offer a massage. If she says yes, then it's sure to be a romantic night. Another idea is giving her a glass of wine to sip as you massage her feet, working your way up to her legs - and wherever else she lets your hands roam.
You probably fantasize about seeing her in sexy outfits, so why not order something and surprise her? Wrap up the new outfit and leave it on the bed with a note in the morning - " I want to see you in this tonight". It's a sure fire way of letting her know that later tonight you are going to bring your A game to the bedroom. The bonus is you get to see her dressed in whatever arousing outfit you dream about. This might be thigh high socks, lingerie, a classy dress that drops to the floor, or even something kinkier like bondage wear.
Try Something New
The psychological attraction you have built may put her in the mood to try something new. As the night progresses, check her receptivity to things you have not done before. If missionary is the usual go to position, turn her around and hit new spots while enjoying the view. If doggy style is the usual, try facing one another and establishing eye contact to build intimacy. I think its a great idea to get a book of sex positions to keep in the nightstand. You can both laugh and giggle over how silly it is - but you are bound to find a few new positions worth trying out.
Bondage is a great way to show dominance and submission when both partners feel comfortable. You could take turns tying each other up to start. If things are going well, introduce something called impact play - light spanking on the thighs or ass is a big turn on for a lot of people. The key with any sort of bondage or spanking is to start slow and test each others boundaries before progressing further.
It may also be the time to introduce role play: play doctor, act out a professor - student fantasy, make her your secretary and lay her across the desk. Many people like to act out ongoing fantasies by staying 'in character' for the weekend or longer, fully immersing themselves in the fantasy experience. If your both consenting adults, there is no reason to not indulge in a sexual fantasy.
Besides setting the right mood, doing things like massage and lighting candles slows things down. She isn't going to tell you this, but she probably wishes that you would spend a little more time on her and enjoyed the experience of sex and romance as much as the act itself. Being a guy those things may not be as important to you, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't invest the time since the rewards - fantastic sex - are worth it. Besides, if you're in bed together with a beautiful naked woman why wouldn't you want to make that moment last as long as possible?
An ice cube can help slow things down if you promise not to engage in any direct sexual touching until the ice cube, or three, has melted. Light tickling or biting can cause the skin to flush and bring a rush of endorphins that makes things feel especially sensual. Take turns watching one another. You can learn new things about how she likes to be touched. Does she like a rough approach, or a soft and gentle caress? Just watching her touch herself is sure to fire up your desire.
Finally, try controlling your orgasm. Stop when you are close and go back to touching and caressing. You can also encourage her to keep herself stimulated while you recover. Orgasm control is a great way to build endurance over time, and can lead to much stronger sensations when you finally give in. You can do this trick on her as well - getting her close and then stopping.
Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.