I have received a couple of emails from big guys wondering what they can do to get more dates. I am not going to lie, it can be tough to date when your a big dude, especially because the whole "plus sized acceptance" movement seems to be only for women. We see plenty of media coverage for big women like Ashley Graham, but nothing about the plus sized man being accepted for what he is. But that is ok, there are plenty of women who love teddy bears and I am going to give you bigger dudes a few tips for putting your best foot forward when approaching women. In fact, the tips below are perfect for guys of any size looking to improve their chances with women.
1. Women Will Date Big Men
Now this is of course within reason. Guys (and girls) do come in different shapes and sizes, but if your diet is pizza and burgers only and you live a sedentary lifestyle you should be addressing any health concerns you may have before even thinking about dating. If you are in good health and ready to tackle the world of dating, then understand that most rational women realize that motivated men are too busy with work and careers to spend countless hours in the gym. That doesn't mean she doesn't want you to be healthy, but she doesn't expect six pack abs. The dad bod had 15 minutes of fame recently, but the truth is the dad bod has always been a woman's preference in a man that she is looking for a relationship with. They might seek out the gym body for one night stands as a way of proving their self worth (to prove that yes, they are hot because they can get a hot guy), but want to come home to a guy who doesn't obsess over his appearance as much as she does. She also doesn't want you to be better looking than she is because then you could replace her. So as a big guy, be confident that you do indeed have a market on the dating scene, just don't expect to be the object of desire in one night stands. That's ok, because you should be looking for the one, not the one nighter.
2. Buy Clothes That Fit
Too many guys I see are still wearing clothes that have not fit in 50 pounds. Maybe it's clothes from high school or college, but these guys wear shirts that barely button, or pants that don't even pull up around their waist - resulting in the dreaded plumbers crack. Regardless of your size, you can find clothes that fit. Now you're not going to be shopping in most of the trendy mall stores who only serve young dudes and gym devoted hard bodies. Look in local retailers like Kohl's and JC Penny's who offer many extended sizes, and online shops like DXL and King Size Direct who offer a huge selection of stylish clothes for big men. Stitch Fix is a monthly service that will deliver a curated package of clothes in your size. By answering a few questions, a personal stylist will pick out a wardrobe based on your answers. I have never used an online clothing service, but I know there are others out there. I think it's a great option for guys who hate to shop, or have no clue when it comes to fashion. The prices are fairly reasonable as well. If you are a really tall guy please by extra length clothes for your frame, otherwise you look like your growing out of your clothes before our very eyes. Keep in mind, plus sized men's clothing costs more, but a properly fitting wardrobe will greatly enhance your appearance. It's also a good idea to go through your wardrobe every season, or year, and donate clothes that don't fit anymore. I think it's a bad idea to hang on to old clothes because they are a reminder of the past, before you gained weight. Older clothes tend to fall out of style but many people hang on to them believing "it will come back in style." Even if acid washed jeans or pleats come back, the cut and fit for a modern look will have changed. Just get rid of it. Donate anything that you have not worn in a year as well, there has to be a reason your avoiding that shirt or pair of pants.
3. Settle On Your Style
Normally I think loud prints and other attempts at peacocking are silly, but it's ok for a big guy to show his style as long as it doesn't mean a daily wardrobe of comic book and video game t-shirts, or free shirts from the local plumbing supply or general contractor. You want to dress with personality, but always show class and a bit of sophistication. Music and bands shirts can go either way. They could be a great conversation starter if she digs the same music, or a conversation killer if she isn't the Metallica fan type. Music shirts also tend to be cheaply made and poorly fitting, so it's better to leave them for the weekends. If you work in an office, V-neck sweaters with a shirt underneath, paired with khakis or chinos looks clean and professional. You can show your personality by choosing brighter colors or interesting prints. Workplace dress codes may have declined, but you can draw attention by being the best dressed guy in the room. If you work in a place that allows t-shirts and jeans, it will not be hard to stand out. For casual Fridays, a button up shirt with a print and some fresh jeans will be the outfit that looks casual yet pulled together, grabbing the attention of the girl you have your eye on. It's also a dressy enough outfit that if she says yes to drinks after work, you're in great shape and won't feel under dressed for the moment.
4. Pay Attention To Your Shoes
It's well known that women love shoes, but a lot of guys don't realize that women are noticing your shoes as well. I have been on dates where as I approached the girl looked me up and down - right down to my feet. I've been complimented on my shoes. I don't know how to tell you how to pick the right shoes for you, but they should be clean and fresh. If you have worn them so long that they are uncomfortable and no longer supportive, you'll notice that your feet hurt and it's a sign that they need to go. If the soles are worn down or uneven then it's time to replace them. I personally only wear sneakers to work out or hike, but it can be fashionable to wear sneakers even with a more dressy outfit. I can say that it's a good idea to have at least 2-3 pairs of shoes to rotate. This helps them to last longer and allows your to mix up your look. Purchase a pair of sneakers for working out, a pair of traditional dress shoes for more important times like a job interview, and have an in-between pair. This is what's called dress casual. It could be a pair of chunky boots like in the picture above. They will work well for dressing up jeans, or help keep a khaki and polo look professional and modern looking.
5. Choose Your Cologne Wisely
Cologne should be subtle. Someone should only be able to smell it when they lean in close - such as in a romantic moment. Don't over do it. There is a guy at my work who you can easily smell from 10 feet away. Everyone knows when he was in the room (even if he isn't there anymore) because the smell of his cologne lingers behind. Don't be the guy who uses too much cologne, but a good smell can enhance your presentation and add sex appeal. Choose a scent that fits you, regardless of price. I've received plenty of complements wearing $10 cologne, and went unnoticed wearing expensive ones. Every nose is different, so it's impossible to choose a scent that will appeal to everyone. Go with what you like and keep it light.
6. Grooming Matters
I shouldn't have to mention it but showering is a must. I see plenty of guys at work looking like they just rolled out of bed. That means greasy hair, wrinkled clothes, and often body odor. I would rather be late to work then show up without a shower. Consider it a courtesy to others not to smell.
Beyond the obvious of showering, you can go as far as using a moisturizer on your face. Moisturizer helps to keep skin soft and acne free, and you can even get it with SPF factor that helps protect you from UV rays. I actually like Jack Black products, specifically Double-Duty Face Moisturizer with an SPF 20. It is a little pricey compared to what you find at the local Walmart or drug store, but I find that it lasts a long time. There are plenty of other brands out there that do a good job keeping your face baby soft, and all that moisture can help prevent the signs of aging.
Always keep your facial hair trimmed if you have it. Beard oil can help with itchiness if you are growing the facial hair out. I use Viking Revolution because it's scent free and cost less than ten bucks. I prefer fragrance free products because I have sensitive skin, and don't want a competing smell with my cologne. When I go with a more clean cut look and shave my beard, I use a shaving soap. I've tried several brands but I keep coming back to Proraso Shaving Soap in a bowl for sensitive skin. This is less than ten bucks as well and lasts for months so it ends up being less expensive than the shaving gel I use to purchase. It also gives me less shaving burn, nicks, and cuts so my skin stays healthier looking. If you go for a masculine stubble look on your face, you can trim it down around your neck.
When it comes to haircuts, I recommend getting a trim at least once a month even if your're growing your hair long. It helps to keep it healthy looking and shiny, and trimming your neck line looks polished. Many salons and chain hair cut shops will do neck line cleanups for half the price of a full haircut. It's worth it. With practice and a mirror, you can learn how to trim it yourself. That's what I do between haircuts. I find it best to do any hair cutting in the shower so I avoid the messy clean up around the sink. A shaving mirror helps me see what I am doing.
Finally, when it comes to grooming please trim your nose hair. If your old enough to have ear hair, trim that as well. Ask any woman what her biggest turn offs are and nine out of ten are going to mention nose and ear hair pretty high on the list. You can buy an electric nose hair trimmer, use scissors, or buy an all in one tool like the Remington Beard Boss . I have used about ten different beard trimmers and the Beard Boss is the first one I have owned that didn't miss hairs, or pluck them painfully. If you have used beard trimmers you know what I mean. It has a turbo setting which allows it to cut through thick or coarse hair (like a beard) like butter. I can use it for a month easily between charges. It's not the lowest priced (or most expensive), but then again if I had found this one before buying nine others I would have saved a lot of money.
7. Act With Confidence
Acting with confidence is a tip that every man should follow, but it is especially important for the big man. Knowing that women can be attracted to larger men will help in this department, and any man walks taller and prouder in good fitting clothes. By having your look and smell in order you have no reason not to approach a woman. If you are taking the time to invest in yourself, then you know that you have plenty to offer the right women. It may take some hunting to find her - but you will.
Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.