Wannabe English Guy

June 10, 2018

 

There’s a guy at work who thinks he is English, or rather desperately wants to be.

 

First of all, he is obsessed with soccer, which is fine since most of us have a sport we follow. But he is the guy to monopolize the television in search of any sort of soccer game during the season, briskly (that word is rather English) heading out to the break room every chance he gets during the soccer season to catch a glimpse of his beloved past time. The first thing he does is grab the remote and change the channel - without asking anyone else if its ok. I really don’t want to spend my break watching soccer, but he does and you have to deal with it and the loud cheering and prancing when a goal is scored.

 

Of course with any soccer obsession comes the sweaters and vaguely English outfits. Manchester United memorabilia on the desk. Little patches on the sleeves of his cardigan. The little slouchy hat and red beard. The distant look into the distance as if he is walking out on the English countryside.

 

Now according to social media his nights are spent on soccer fields in a local league and weekends are spent visiting lighthouses with his wife and small dog - posting the pics for all of us to envy. Many of those pics include the dog frolicking in the grass.

 

Then there is the tea thing. You see while we were in training we got into a conversation about tea. I mean I do like tea, but I drink iced tea. This guy drinks hot tea from a little mug sippy sippy like. Every morning, he would come in and would ask “what kind of tea ya havin?!” in a chipper cheerio! voice. Then I would say "I'm not, I'm having coffee" to which he looked a bit disappointed.

 

Time and career goals separate people, and now we work in different departments. And I see the wanna be English man every now and again. And EVERY single time I see him he says “Gooday laddy!” which annoys the hell out of me. I mean dude, you live down the street in the city not the English country side. Stop pretending, or move. Does anyone else have someone like this in their office? Someone who just tries to hard to be something they are not? Lemme know. 

 

Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook.

 

 

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