Getting a Number Means Nothing

May 5, 2018

 

If you're a single guy who is playing the field, then you know that getting a number is a real confidence booster. When you get a number, instantly your mind races at the possibilities it presents: a potential relationship, or at least the possibility of sex. Actually getting her to go out on a date is on another level. That's because a lot of women will give out their number, randomly, for various reasons with no intentions of actually ever seeing you, or even talking to you ever again. 

 

The reasons a woman will give you her number without actually wanting to vary: sometimes they just don't know how to say no. I dated a girl like this for awhile. She worked in a coffee shop and had a lot of exposure to men looking for a fling. Some of them were business travelers from a nearby hotel. She got hit on a lot. That didn't bother me since she was attractive and getting hit on was to be expected. What actually bothered me that was she often gave them her number. Often as we sat there she would receive a random text or phone call. When I would ask who it was she would reply something like  "a guy who asked for my number at work". We argued constantly over this. Her explanation was that she didn't know how to turn them down. So she gave them her number. 

 

Of course, being young and stupid, I tolerated this. But then I began to wonder, what happened when I wasn't there to question her? Did it ever go further? Needless to say, you should never tolerate a woman who acts like this. It took awhile, but I finally got up the balls to dump her. It was a lesson learned. And a mistake I will not repeat. 

 

 

What I did learn was that not only will women give out their number indiscriminately, but that they will give it with no intentions of ever seeing you again, quite often even when they are attracted to you. For example, there was a girl who I used to see around town when I was dating someone else. She always looked at me. The attraction was obvious. My girlfriend at the time noticed it too. "That girl is so into you, it's obvious she wants you." She was a knockout, a total ten, but I am not a cheater and never made anything of it while I was in the relationship.

 

Fast forward a year or so, and I see that knockout while out running errands. I went up to her and made small talk working up my courage and said "can I get your number and call you?" She said "sure" and gave me her number. I was stoked. This gorgeous girl just gave me her number. I called her the next day and didn't get a call back. I tried again two days later. Nothing. About a week after that I tried one last time - nada. Three strikes and your out. I didn't know where I went wrong. The attraction was mutual. 

 

I saw her later with someone else. Over a few years of dating I saw these kinds of actions, experienced them, many times. I have learned that women play as many games as they accuse men of. They will flirt and give out their number like a game. One reason is that many like the attention of men hitting on them. Even while in a relationship, they are seeking further affirmation of their attractiveness and feed on this attention. Some of them go home and fuck their current flame with a new passion while basking in the knowledge that they are indeed "hot". Others use it as a wall between their current lovers - an attitude of "I can do better". Call it the Princess Mindset, "you better treat me right or I can get someone else with a snap of my fingers". 

 

  

Another reason women give out their number is that they are indeed attracted and interested in you, but just not at this time. It's what I call "keeping you in their pocket". Basically, they have interest, just not right now. Maybe they are fresh out of a relationship, in a relationship, seeing someone and not knowing where it's going ... all excuses for keeping their options open. The exact thing they will later accuse you of if you refuse to commit right away. Just like a cellphone, they want to keep you tucked away until they need you. That may be to make their current guy jealous, secretly having an interest but telling lies like "he is just a friend!", or just to respond and stay in touch with you enough to keep stringing you along until the door opens (her current relationship ends). Either way it should be obvious that this is not the kind of woman you want a relationship with. In effect, she is cheating on her current guy with the thoughts of you and whoever else she has saved in her cell phone. A "maybe later" list of chumps who feed into her need for attention. 

That stringing along is where a lot of guys end up getting friend-zoned. By being willing to wait, the girl loses interest and now does not see you as masculine since you acted so passively in pursuit of her. She shit tested you and you failed. But she is perfectly fine with you paying for things - friend gifts - loaning her money, or paying for drinks when you go out "as friends". Even if she later ends her current relationship and that door opens, I can promise it will not be open to you. Lets say it does and she is interested, who else is waiting in her phone - just like you did? 

 

The lesson to be learned from these examples is that getting a number means nothing. It is barely a foot in the door in the dating world. What I recommended is two things: one, set firm standards for yourself when getting numbers. Make at most two calls to her. If there is really an interest, she will be dropping what ever she is doing to call back or send a text (and not just at weird hours when her other guy isn't around). It's up to her to reciprocate, after all you took the lead and made the initial interaction - displaying your attraction and masculinity by approaching her. Don't be a punk and keep calling or texting long after the initial meeting. She has made it clear she has no real interest in you by her lack of response. By continuing to try (and fail) you become a joke to her, and I guarantee her and her girlfriends are laughing at the "weird guy who wont stop texting me". 

 

The second thing I recommended when number chasing is to play the numbers. Now what I mean by that is not to keep your options open, but don't close your options until there is a reason. They are two vastly different things. Keeping your options open means seeing someone and unfairly not devoting the time to see where it goes. That to me is like a cheater, someone like I described above who is just waiting and unfairly keeping someone on hold until she is ready.

 

Not closing your options means not overly investing in someone you just met before knowing if there is even a spark. For example, I see a lot of guys who get a number and already are planning a first date or talking about taking her on a trip. Similar to the psychotic girl on a tv show or movie who is picking baby names after a first date, these people are reading to much into the situation. Things should unfold organically. Don't start thinking about a first date before you have even had a conversation. That is ridiculous. If I get a number, I don't even know yet if I even want to take the girl on a date. I have not talked to her and found out what she is about. Once I do, if she even texts me back, in time I get to find out if she is worth the investment. If she is, i'll ask her out. 

 

Jeremy Wright is a self described opinionated bastard. Follow him on Facebook

 

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