Nordstrom is Selling $425 Jeans for Wannabe Working Men

April 25, 2017

If you're feeling as if your trust fund, lavish lifestyle, and high paying career has left you out of touch with the working class man in America...Nordstrom has come to the rescue with a pair of $425 jeans to make you feel authentic once again.

 

 

Reminiscent of the overpriced sticks we covered earlier, these jeans promise to show “you’re not afraid to get down and dirty.”

 

The luxury fashion retailer Nordstrom, who recently made headlines for dropping Ivanka Trump’s brand back in February, is pushing its own brand in an effort to reach out to working class Americans. 

 

The item’s description on the website is as follows:

 

Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty.

 

A number of people also left a review on the item’s page, which have since been deleted. One reviewer said “These are great! Now that I’m unemployed I can still look employed with minimal effort.” another replied “Are you intending to poke fun at working class folks?”

 

 

Social media had some fun mocking the jeans before working class hero and “Dirty Jobs” host Mike Rowe took up the cause with this Facebook post:

 

 

This morning, for your consideration, I offer further proof that our country’s war on work continues to rage in all corners of polite society. Behold the latest assault from Nordstrom’s. The “Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans.”

 

Finally - a pair of jeans that look like they have been worn by someone with a dirty job…made for people who don't. And you can have your very own pair for just $425.00.

 

Here’s the official description, from their website.

 

“These heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty.”

 

On the positive side, Nordstrom’s isn’t purging their shelves of work-related imagery, like the owners of Monopoly did when they replaced the wheelbarrow with a rubber ducky. They seem to value icons work. What they don’t value - obviously - is authenticity.

 

I understand the appeal of buying broken-in jeans. I mean really, who has time these days to wait for a pair of jeans to naturally fade? I also understand the different cuts. Might as well get something that fits and feels comfortable. But they lost me years ago with their various stages of “distress.” The stone wash and the acid wash the rinsed wash and the bleached wash... And they really lost me when they started tearing holes in them on purpose.

 

I saw a pair of jeans at Macy’s the other day that looked like they’d been bathed in boric acid, hung up and shot multiple times with a twelve-gauge, and then pounded on a rock down by the river. They too, were on sale, for $249.00.

 

But forget the jeans themselves for a moment, and their price, and look again at the actual description. “Rugged Americana” is now synonymous with a “caked-on, muddy coating.” Not real mud. Fake mud. Something to foster the illusion of work. The illusion of effort. Or perhaps, for those who actually buy them, the illusion of sanity.

 

The Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans aren’t pants. They’re not even fashion. They’re a costume for wealthy people who see work as ironic – not iconic. To them, might I suggest the revolutionary new "Borax Wash," which I discovered some years ago while rescuing birds who had the misfortune of falling into Searle’s Lake in the lovely and picturesque town of Trona.

 

If Nordstrom’s wants to carry them, the description would read something like this:

 

“Finally - a pair of jeans for the hard-working gent who doesn’t want to actually wear them. The Borax Wash is so rugged and so manly, they don’t even need a human to hold them up! So sit back and relax, secure in the knowledge that your work pants can’t be folded or stored like other jeans. Show the world you mean business by owning the only jeans that can’t be worn! The jeans, that can stand on their own!”

$600 - only at Nordstrom.

 

It is great that Nordstrom buyers are looking to create the illusion of working a dirty job because it's cool without *actually* working a dirty job. It shows just how great the divide in our country is between the proletariat and the new bourgeoisie.

 

If you actually want to buy a pair shipping is free. Order them here.

 

 

 

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